listology

First times in 2012:

• love
• sex
• drugs

Goals reached in 2012:

• graduated high school
• got an atar of over 92
• moved to Switzerland

Reasons why I'm better off without him:

• he couldn't be happy for me
• he hit me
• he didn't really appreciate me until he didn't have me anymore

Things I want to experience before I die:

• a white christmas
• dreaming in another language
• giving birth
• setting foot on all seven continents

Nationalities I have kissed:

• Australian
• Canadian
• English
• Swiss
• Italian

Things I miss:

• late night movies with Jokerman
• summer fruit
• emails from Z
• my dog
• working/studying

xoxo Camelgirl

Things to look forward to after exams:

*never having to worry about vce again
*formal
*schoolies (...debatable...)
*the beach
*staying up as late as I want
*tumblr
*all the tv shows I will be able to watch
*all the books I will be able to read
*top 500 movies ever with Jokerman
*sims with Dandy
*Christmas
*Europe
*freedom

Not long now... wish me luck!

xoxo Camelgirl

No one can save this.

My mind is murky, I can not separate one thought from another.

I found some motivation but it left me after a week of encouragement. I'm stuck in vicious cycles and I can't tell what I want from what I tell myself I want. At Rake's house last weekend, there was a fleeting moment on the dance floor when I felt such adoration for my friends and myself but then Ti abandoned me and the feeling followed. On Saturday, I went to Jokerman's formal with him. It was a nice night and it made me think about my formal which is yet to come. My formal is the day after my last exam and I just really hope that by then I will be proud of myself and not full of self-contempt over missed opportunities.

At school, I am surrounded by couples and instead of identifying myself as one of them, I feel excluded. J and I swing between good, bad and okay periods (the 'okay' periods are the worst because I either feel nothing or want more). I saw Who playing cricket and wanted to cry because it really reinforced the fact that I no longer know him. 

The tsunami is coming and there is nothing worth holding on to.

xoxo Camelgirl

I miss blogging here. Something that makes me really sad is that I came so close to 100 followers but then I stopped blogging and now I doubt that I will ever reach that goal.

Anyway this blogger tag thing is something that Erimentha created and she did it again recently and this time the tag was open for anyone to do it. So here goes. 

If they're still out there I tag Jokerman and Dandalily.

Abracadabra, Wow!  

I like boys with a head full of dreams and girls who use a contagious vocabulary of 'mint' words.
I like watching TV on a mattress next to the lit fireplace.

I like going to cafe's with a group of female friends and just giggling over anything and everything.

I like talking to Jokerman again and working my brain to keep up with his witty wordplay.

I like snuggling under the blankets to read.

I like the feeling of calmness after you have cried and cried your heart out and there are no tears left.

I like making playlists on my iPod and then playing them at work.
I like having a cheeky flirt in chem.
I like that winter means I get to buy a whole new wardrobe.
I like feeling close to my mum.
I like being up to date in Offspring because I'm finally able to watch it as it airs and have nothing spoiled for me.
I like the feeling of satisfaction that I get when I get up early on Saturdays and do homework before work.
I love him.
Today I am happy because I get to see my dad.

In some ways, I love everything. Its less, its less of a thing to like, its less distinct, its less particular I like things that I like but I love everything There’s more choice in like Cos even the worst things have things you love in them I don’t know what you mean about things I hate  
I hate that the likes were so hard this time.
I hate when you are growing distant from someone and there is nothing you can do to save the friendship.
I hate my lack of motivation.
I hate rude customers combined with my selfish boss or difficult, bossy co workers.
I hate that I've already fucked up this year.
I hate when my methods teacher uses his super disappointed voice. 
I hate how everyone makes all these assumptions from the things I post on my tumblr but in a way, it's kind of cool that they find it interesting enough to read.

I hate how easily I am disappointed.

I hate thinking about next year and the end of this year.

I hate this. Wow, sorry....

xoxo Camelgirl