Saturday, May 15, 2010

Too many sleepess nights.


'For one moment we are not failed tests and broken condoms and cheating on essays;
we are crayons and lunch boxes and swinging so high our sneakers punch holes in the clouds.
For one breath everything feels better.'


And I'm really just not sure whether or not I'm happy or sad,
I'm just wondering how I can feel so hopeful,
When everything is so helpless.

But really,
who does know?

(I JUST FUCKING NEED SOMEBODY TO HELP ME MAKE SENSE OF IT ALL.)

And I don't understand why my head
is so full of words when I wake up,
and I wish one day I could just sit and write them all down,
because then maybe I could make sense of them,
and it all,
but instead,
I have to get ready for school.

 ('the teachers tie us to our chairs and pour worlds into our ears')

I'm so tired and I keep getting sick and it's all so exhausting,
And I just want to sleep and sleep and never wake up.

(but sometimes I'm the happiest I've been in ages.)

You took my breath away,
and at the time,
I sort of loved you for it,
but now,
I REALLY NEED IT BACK
SO I CAN LEARN TO BREATHE AGAIN.


I'm sorry everybody,
That I am making no sense
and
My words are so ugly.
My mind is in a muddle at the moment,
And I'm sick
And behind at school.
But I'll be okay,
I know I will.

'AND SUDDENLY I'M CHOKING ON AIR THAT DOESN'T EXIST.'


xoxo Camelgirl

13 comments:

  1. Keep smiling. Your words are beautiful

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  2. This is my favorite post of yours. :)
    You're making sense to me..there will always be someone in your life that understands...
    you just have to find them.
    xx,
    ~Abby~

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  3. your writing is beautiful and the pictures perfect, but i hope your ok. :(

    "she said she normally cried at least once a day, not because she was sad, but because the world was so beautiful and life was so short"

    xoxo

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  4. your writing is outstanding.!
    so amazing.
    *& your blog is ever so lovely also deary(:
    -XoXO
    Brooklynn

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  5. I loved the OC picture.

    Your words seem lovely, but confused to me.
    and I'm still waiting for that amazing moment to hit me. So I can breathe again, and pay attention to the person sitting next to me.
    Rather then who used to be.

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  6. OH OH OH I'm here. Call me baby ;) AA (anytime anyplace). Love the pics in this post to absolute max.
    Cat xx

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  7. Your words are as beautiful as ever and make perfect sense. Get hold of the happiness and hope and forget the sadness. Life is too short for that ( I know its hard).
    I lobe love love the last two pictures

    xx

    Kipa

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  8. You are very talented. I hope writing is a release for you and a means to let go and not just a reminder of the pain. I have had it be both for me in the past.

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  9. your write beautifully,keep writing lovely <3

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  10. I know that you can't see past these confused and messed up feelings right now,but they will pass :)

    Thanks for putting my feelings I couldn't describe into words I could clearly interpret :) In other words,I've been going through that too,now I might just be close to the other side :)

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  11. Oh wow, funny how sometimes people can feel exactly the same way I do.
    Your words aren't ugly. They're beautiful. Everything will be okay darling.

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  12. I love how you're so up and down, coz it's how I am half the time.

    so so so so amazing, truly.
    xx scarzz

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  13. Gosh, I love this.
    I need to make sense of something, anything,
    because I will fall apart any moment now.
    Be strong; you are beautiful.
    I hope everything works out very soon!

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Many thanks for your feedback. :)