Sunday, May 19, 2013

It was a love worth remembering

Top moments with GF:

-He asks me and my sister out to make up for the way he acted the previous night. We go to the Coop and he gets a bottle of Rose and a bottle opener and a packet of chips. At the checkout, my sister and I insist on giving him some money and he says, "Ooh I like that." We take our purchases and go to an "island" and have a picnic. There is still snow on the ground and I have my first ever snowball fight. Conversation is at its best and life has never felt lighter.
-We go to see C2C, a French turntable group that he introduced me to. We manage to position ourselves in one of the first rows and we have a very good view. He catches a CD that the support act throw into the audience and gives it to me. C2C play our favourite songs and we dance and sing along. We leave just before they finish so as to not get stuck in the crowd. As we drive over the bridge, 'Don't Stop Me Now' plays and I bellow the lyrics at the top of my voice. "Lau," he says as he looks into my eyes, "I hope you realise that you're my friend by now."
-We are in his basement and full of wine. It's dark and Canon in D Major is playing in the background. We dance in circles and I feel his heart beating against me.
-I finish French and he picks me up. It's a glorious day; I haven't seen that much sunshine in months. We speed along the lake road, playing our favourite songs at a very high volume. We stop in Morges (I struggle to pronounce the name of the town and he takes great pleasure in this) and walk between rows of tulips and the seemingly endless body of water. We sit on the rocks and drink wine and talk about anything and everything. He tells me about his childhood and the first girl he ever loved. I spend the whole time in awe of the view; I have fallen deeply in love with Switzerland.

Tuesday, March 19, 2013


“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” – Buddha

"To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance."- Oscar Wilde

xoxo Camelgirl

Monday, March 4, 2013


First times in 2012:
  • love
  • sex
  • drugs
Goals reached in 2012:
  • graduated high school
  • got an atar of over 92
  • moved to Switzerland

Reasons why I'm better off without him:
  • he couldn't be happy for me
  • he hit me
  • he didn't really appreciate me until he didn't have me anymore
Things I want to experience before I die:
  • a white christmas
  • dreaming in another language
  • giving birth
  • setting foot on all seven continents

Nationalities I have kissed:
  • Australian
  • Canadian
  • English
  • Swiss
  • Italian
Things I miss:
  • late night movies with Jokerman
  • summer fruit
  • emails from Z
  • my dog
  • working/studying

xoxo Camelgirl

Monday, November 5, 2012

I went onto my best friend's blog and looked up what they had tagged to my name and this is what I found.

It was exactly what I needed. Thank you, Padfoot, thank you.

xoxo Camelgirl

Sunday, November 4, 2012

there will be no positives tonight

Everything feels wrong. I had to stare at the 'iv' in 'positives' for such a long time because it looked so unfamiliar. I just want to have something to be excited for, something to work towards. Everything seems either impossible or undesirable. I don't want to sit my exams, I know I'm not ready. I know they shouldn't be awful (other than chemistry) and that there will be people who do worse than me but I just really wish they could have been an achievement; something I was proud of. I don't even really want for exams to be over, because what comes afterwards is so daunting. I don't want to go to a university that I don't know and study something that I have no idea if I'll like, I don't want to leave all my friends and routine behind and live in a foreign country with only my parents and my negative attitude to keep me company, I don't want to stay in a big house with my brother and sister and random room-mates and work some horrible job. I don't want to be younger than everyone but I don't want to be an adult. I don't want responsibility, I don't want endless freedom. Worst of all, I don't know what I want.

xoxo Camelgirl

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Things to look forward to after exams:

*never having to worry about vce again
*schoolies (...debatable...)
*the beach
*staying up as late as I want
*all the tv shows I will be able to watch
*all the books I will be able to read
*top 500 movies ever with Jokerman
*sims with Dandy

Not long now... wish me luck!

xoxo Camelgirl

Sunday, October 7, 2012

This is all wrong

It's officially a month until my first written examination. I'm so close to something that will determine my future and knowing that, it's really scary. I'm behind in my subjects so I can't even start on my revision and right now everything seems impossible.
I don't understand Markov Chains or equilibrium shifts, I haven't done the exercises for vector calculus or kinematics, I have no hope of being able to talk about immigration in my Italian oral and my English Language teacher likes my writing style but that doesn't mean my examiner will.

Yesterday I found out that a boy that I guess I sort of dated died in a motorcycle accident. I didn't know how to feel about it, at first I felt nothing but shocked but last night the tears started to spill. I don't really feel right talking about it on here but the thoughts that I had felt wrong, I am ashamed of myself.

I am constantly wishing that I could go back moments, hours, days, years before. I seem to only ever make the wrong choices and I get annoyed at myself for it but I don't fix it. I don't learn from my mistakes. I just really wish that I could have worked hard enough to be proud of my results this year, but now I've left it too late. Hopefully, I at least do the best of what I can with what I've left for myself.

xoxo Camelgirl