Sunday, October 7, 2012

This is all wrong

It's officially a month until my first written examination. I'm so close to something that will determine my future and knowing that, it's really scary. I'm behind in my subjects so I can't even start on my revision and right now everything seems impossible.
I don't understand Markov Chains or equilibrium shifts, I haven't done the exercises for vector calculus or kinematics, I have no hope of being able to talk about immigration in my Italian oral and my English Language teacher likes my writing style but that doesn't mean my examiner will.

Yesterday I found out that a boy that I guess I sort of dated died in a motorcycle accident. I didn't know how to feel about it, at first I felt nothing but shocked but last night the tears started to spill. I don't really feel right talking about it on here but the thoughts that I had felt wrong, I am ashamed of myself.

I am constantly wishing that I could go back moments, hours, days, years before. I seem to only ever make the wrong choices and I get annoyed at myself for it but I don't fix it. I don't learn from my mistakes. I just really wish that I could have worked hard enough to be proud of my results this year, but now I've left it too late. Hopefully, I at least do the best of what I can with what I've left for myself.

xoxo Camelgirl


  1. Oh wow, this post is so much like what I'm going through. Especially that last part. You're right though, we just have to make the best of what we have.

    It really reminds me of this quote by Stephen Chbosky.
    “So, I guess we are who we are for alot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them.”

    All my love

  2. Please know I see how hard you're trying, and that no one deservers happiness more than you do. Exams are fickle things and I'll always be proud to call you my best friend.
    I love you.

  3. Thank you for your lovely comment on my blog. Also, you are working so hard and you've had a big year. So please be kind to yourself. I'm here for you and I truly believe you'll get the mark you need/want/deserve. You are the best Camelgirl, xx


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