It's officially a month until my first written examination. I'm so close to something that will determine my future and knowing that, it's really scary. I'm behind in my subjects so I can't even start on my revision and right now everything seems impossible.
I don't understand Markov Chains or equilibrium shifts, I haven't done the exercises for vector calculus or kinematics, I have no hope of being able to talk about immigration in my Italian oral and my English Language teacher likes my writing style but that doesn't mean my examiner will.
Yesterday I found out that a boy that I guess I sort of dated died in a motorcycle accident. I didn't know how to feel about it, at first I felt nothing but shocked but last night the tears started to spill. I don't really feel right talking about it on here but the thoughts that I had felt wrong, I am ashamed of myself.
I am constantly wishing that I could go back moments, hours, days, years before. I seem to only ever make the wrong choices and I get annoyed at myself for it but I don't fix it. I don't learn from my mistakes. I just really wish that I could have worked hard enough to be proud of my results this year, but now I've left it too late. Hopefully, I at least do the best of what I can with what I've left for myself.