Memories are becoming less important, or maybe I mean more, and everything's fuzzy: feelings, thoughts, sensations. Weaker. It's all becoming weaker. Or maybe thats just
It's the holidays, thankfully. A break. Exactly what I need but also what I can't stand. There was a succession of parties but that seems to have ended, and there was a playfight over a bag in the pouring rain. Now I'm sick, I hope I get better soon so I don't have to spend the rest of the holidays inside but then I'm also kind of glad for an excuse to.
I'm losing my hold on everything I am. When did I become everything I hate? Nothing fits anymore, but in a way it still has managed to become more of a whole. I keep finding myself disgusted by my actions, and just wanting to cry and throw up and be held, but it doesn't even matter what I want and well, maybe that's what hurts the most. It's dawned on me that I'm not in control over anywhere near as much as I thought.
What do I want? What do I want? What do I want?
xoxo Camelgirl
