Monday, April 18, 2011

Forever can never be long enough for me.

I miss everything.

Memories are becoming less important, or maybe I mean more, and everything's fuzzy: feelings, thoughts, sensations. Weaker. It's all becoming weaker. Or maybe thats just us me?

It's the holidays, thankfully. A break. Exactly what I need but also what I can't stand. There was a succession of parties but that seems to have ended, and there was a playfight over a bag in the pouring rain. Now I'm sick, I hope I get better soon so I don't have to spend the rest of the holidays inside but then I'm also kind of glad for an excuse to.

I'm losing my hold on everything I am. When did I become everything I hate? Nothing fits anymore, but in a way it still has managed to become more of a whole. I keep finding myself disgusted by my actions, and just wanting to cry and throw up and be held, but it doesn't even matter what I want and well, maybe that's what hurts the most. It's dawned on me that I'm not in control over anywhere near as much as I thought.

 What do I want? What do I want? What do I want?

Words are beginning to fail me, I don't know where I belong.

xoxo Camelgirl


  1. i feel this way a lot of the time.
    you're just getting to know yourself- it's hard, though, isn't it?


  2. i know what you mean
    or maybe i dont
    i can relate to this post though
    jamila is right though
    you might look back on this and realise it made you who you are
    i hope you're okay, i know it's tough.
    much love.

  3. Gosh, I know this well, and that last picture. Sums up my life completely.
    you're great, regardless of what you might think.

  4. thanks for this beautifully honest post camelgirl. i hope you get well soon, and these feelings of sadness are only fleeting and mixed with much happiness too.


  5. thank god for the holidays, i am so glad to have some time to think, some time to breathe! x

  6. i know this so well. frickin adolescence

  7. Im such a loser I comment like a month afterwards. I love you and hope you're feeling better.


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