My mind is murky, I can not separate one thought from another.
I found some motivation but it left me after a week of encouragement. I'm stuck in vicious cycles and I can't tell what I want from what I tell myself I want. At Rake's house last weekend, there was a fleeting moment on the dance floor when I felt such adoration for my friends and myself but then Ti abandoned me and the feeling followed. On Saturday, I went to Jokerman's formal with him. It was a nice night and it made me think about my formal which is yet to come. My formal is the day after my last exam and I just really hope that by then I will be proud of myself and not full of self-contempt over missed opportunities.
At school, I am surrounded by couples and instead of identifying myself as one of them, I feel excluded. J and I swing between good, bad and okay periods (the 'okay' periods are the worst because I either feel nothing or want more). I saw Who playing cricket and wanted to cry because it really reinforced the fact that I no longer know him.
The tsunami is coming and there is nothing worth holding on to.